


Almost Had Me

by colderb0nes



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Sibling Love, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 01:12:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13330335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colderb0nes/pseuds/colderb0nes
Summary: Taako isn't handling the knowledge that he forgot Lup very well.





	Almost Had Me

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I just opened a doc and started typing and here we are so... Taako and Lup pain 4 everyone (read: I am so weak for sibling angst/hurt/comfort)

Taako looks across the room at Lup, who is locked in concentration as she fiddles around with something small and metal as she makes a face that Taako has come to remember is identical to his own. He feels bitterness in his throat that he had to remember, because in order to remember he had to forget. He feels a wave of fresh anger directed toward Lucretia wash over him, but another glance at his sister helps to just barely take the edge off. She was always the only thing that could.

Taako thinks about the course of his adventure with Merle and Magnus. All of the times he was hurt or wanted another perspective, all of the times he felt aloof even in his own group… He was yearning for something,  _ someone _ to understand him the way he needed when at the end of the day, that person was with him the whole time. His beloved  _ sister _ was right there in his hands the whole time, but she was just out of reach and out of Taako’s conscience. She was  _ right there _ . This is the part that Taako hates the most.

He remembers Lup talking about how frustrated and desperate she was for anyone to know that she was in the Umbra Staff, how awful it was that all that she needed was just out of reach, too. Taako wonders which is worse: knowing that you can’t reach what you know is there, or not knowing that what you need is both there and just a reach too far at the same time? He would trade places with his sister in a heartbeat to find out.

Trying to come to terms with what was taken from him, taken from  _ them _ , seems to feel like Taako is somewhere in the middle of the two. Briefly, he wonders if he even deserves to have his sister back at all.

“Taako?” Lup asks, noticing her brother staring. He does this a lot, but especially lately.

“Hm?” Taako responds, his eyes unfocused as he stays deep in thought.

“You want to blow some shit up with me?” Lup asks. Taako always says yes. When he does so this time, his words are more distant than usual, but Lup is just happy to get any real words out of her brother. She feels as though she can count on one hand how many she’s heard in the past three days. “Come on.” Lup says, hopping up and grabbing Taako’s arm, dragging him behind her. She feels like this has to work. She hasn’t seen Taako smile in so long.

 

It doesn’t work. Not completely. Taako’s lips tug upward every once in a while, but it isn’t a smile. Not the one that Lup knows. She channels her frustration into her powers, making a particularly large explosion. She watches as a piece of debris flies just a little too close to Taako for her comfort. She watches him do nothing to avoid it until the last minute, where he takes a tiny step to the side. This is not the Taako she knows. Taako looks at her in a way that tells Lup loud and clear that he knows what she is trying to do and that he just isn’t ready to do this today.

“Then when, Taako?” Lup asks, stepping toward her brother. Taako looks at her in a way that is so unfamiliar that it makes it hard to breathe for a moment. “When?” Lup asks again. If Taako is going to be difficult, then so is she. Taako stays silent, his eyes clouding over as he continues to look at her. “Taako,” Lup breathes, taking a step toward him. “You are my heart, remember?” Lup asks, looking at her brother with so much hope that he’ll just open up to her and let her help him. Instead, Taako visibly winces as his face twists with so much anguish that Lup swears she feels her entire self turn ice cold.

 

Taako doesn’t leave his room for an entire day. He lays in bed, but he doesn’t rest. He spends his time staring at the ceiling and reliving the moment that he remembered. He feels the storm of emotions wholly, from the shock and disbelief that he had a sister to the sickening pain of realizing that he had forgotten her to the deeply heavy crushing weight of over a century’s worth of memories coming back to him at once. He lets himself continue to relive it. He lets himself hurt. He forgot his sister. He deserves this.

A knock on his door pulls him out of his cycle. Taako realizes in this moment how ill he feels, and how foreign yet familiar it seems. He stands on wobbly legs and manages to find his way to the door through swimming vision. He isn’t sure if it’s his head or his heart that’s pounding so intensely as he swings open the door, not surprised to see Lup standing there.

“You don’t get to ignore me anymore.” Lup says, pushing Taako aside to let herself into his room. The push puts him just off balance enough to send him crumpling to the floor. His vision is still swimming and getting a little blurry as Lup stands above him. Her voice gets more and more distant, and Taako almost can’t help but laugh at how much it feels like he’s about to forget her again. He welcomes the quiet that comes a moment later.

 

When Taako opens his eyes again, he finds himself back in his bed with very concerned and upset looking sister sitting at his bedside. He looks apologetically at her, unsure of what to say. She looks back at him the same way. Taako and Lup have never been at a loss for words with one another before. Taako feels too tired to be angry as he mentally adds this to a list of things that Lucretia has taken from him.

“Taako,” Lup says quietly, leaning over and tentatively placing a hand on his. “I just want to know what I did wrong.”

“What?” Taako asks, his eyes widening. He shakes his head vigorously for a moment but stops as he gets dizzy. “You didn’t do anything wrong, sis. It’s never been you.” Taako tries to reassure Lup, turning his hand to the side so that he can squeeze her fingers in his palm. “You’re the one right thing in this whole mess.”

“Then what’s going on? This isn’t you.” Lup frowns.

“Who am I, Lup?” Taako asks. He looks up at his sister, not sure if he’s challenging her or hoping that she knows something that he doesn’t.

“You’re Taako. You’re my twin brother, and you’re my heart. You always have been.” Lup answers, squeezing Taako’s hand. Taako flinches. “Why don’t you believe that?”

“What kind of heart forgets?” Taako asks, his voice thick with emotion. “You’re my twin sister and I  _ forgot _ you. Over a century of memories… Of life lived together…” Taako trails off. “You were right in front of me the entire time and I didn’t even know, Lup. I didn’t have any hint that there was more to me. I didn’t even realize that I was living without my own heart.” Taako pauses, feeling his chest getting tighter and tighter as the pain of remembering grips his core again. “Who was I without you?” Taako’s voice falls to just above a whisper as his eyes widen. “And now you’re back and you’re acting like I didn’t do anything wrong-”

“-Because you didn’t!” Lup interjects, her voice wobbly as her heart breaks with each word that her brother speaks.

“Lup. I didn’t know that you were alive, let alone that you existed.” Taako says, his eyes boring into Lup’s. “Do you understand?” He asks. “There was no us in my life, and that seemed normal. You should be angry with me, you should  _ hate  _ me. You heard me describe a life without you.”

“Taako, listen to me.” Lup says, cradling Taako’s hand between both of her own. “You are not responsible for what was done to you. You feel something now because you remember me. That feeling, as awful as it is… That’s what makes you such a good brother. You know that something was wrong now, and by living our lives together now and making the most of this new time we have is the best thing that we can do to make it better.” Lup pauses to wipe a stray tear off of her cheek. “Your memories were taken from you. You can’t hold yourself responsible for someone taking something from you. I won’t sit here and let you.” Lup leans down and rests her head on Taako’s chest for a moment, doing her best to regain her composure. She looks up at him again with red rimmed eyes. “I know that it’s going to be really hard to reconcile with yourself, but… We saved the fucking world, Taako.” Lup laughs for a moment before looking earnestly at her brother. “Live with me in the world we saved.”

Taako nods, pulling himself up into a sitting position and hugs his sister, feeling more whole than he has in a while. Who he was before he got Lup back was okay, but who he is with her is the best version of himself.

“You’re my heart, Lup.” Taako whispers, his voice muffled in her shoulder.

“And you’re mine, Taako.” Lup replies, her voice just as muffled. She knows that she hasn’t automatically erased the trauma her brother experienced, but he’s said more than five words and that’s a damn good start.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
